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June 29th, 2006
12:18 am
so im not really sure why im writting this, i dont really write on here much anymore but i wanted to let everyone know that if you have your mother you should really honestly give them a hug look at them and appreciate them for everything they are worth cause you dont know when things can change....
ok so my mom had a really big scare
it was a whole bunch of shit the pills they had her on,
not eating, sun, having alomst no stomach then filling it up with 2 beers
but bottom line i alomst lost my mom
it was the worst feeling ive ever had looking at someone you love so helpless
i was looking in her eyes but it was liek she couldnt even see me
but you know what the only thing she remembers from that night is being told
"way up past the sky"
that is something we have said my whole childhood, "love you wupts"
so thats all icould think to tell her...
they said they did what they could do it was just a waiting game... horrible
but she is back and seems to be well, but it changes everything
i never even thought that was a possibility at 20
as we walked into the er the nurse said good your hear do you have the power of attorney...
i felt like i was 2 years old and completely terrified
so please make sure you dont take your parents for granted or anyone in your life for that matter...
just my thoughts,
ive been having a billion things going threw my head i nthe last few days
so im rambling
good night!
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May 11th, 2006
05:04 pm
livejournal,
so this is what its come to huh?
lately ive felt really alone
but i did it to myself right...
you put yourself in your own misery...
and i have, at least im grown enough to admit that right?
so thats what ive been doing growing up
the world can not solve your problems only you can
what ive learned is that if you think you can
then you probably wont
if you know you can
then you will
so my lifes changing as though it always does
i dont and refuse to regret everything that has happend to me thus far in my life
i realised every tear ive cried every time my hearts been broken
i will not and can not regret any of it...
because of all of that is what has made me who i am today
every thing has made me that much stronger
i went to the dr's today aparently my back is alot worse then befor
so i decided instead of going back in another 2 years
to find out its even worse then that im just going to take care of it
that means im going to have to change my lifestyle
but a big part of why i smoke as much as i do is cause of my back it honestly helps
so maybe it will be better for me financially as well
so, heres to change once again
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April 27th, 2006
02:30 pm
so this weekend is my bday...
cant wait...
already packed and ready to go...
this weekend shall be amazing...
blaze blaze blaze!
life has been lovely
went shoppin with my mommy got hella new clothes!
santa cruz is my happy place!!!!
santa cruz here i come!!!!
oh yea... and the weather could be any more perfect!!!!!!!
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April 6th, 2006
01:32 am
so today i did my first mary kay party on my own today
the first one i made 340 or something befor tax
and the one today i made like another 120 b4 tax
so im doing pretty good almost at my first goal 600 by monday and then i get 200 worth of free products as well...
i think im mostly in it for the products right now
but i am going to build my inventory afteri get my taxes back
so this is exhausting cause there is alot of work and prep that goes into the party and theres alot that comes out of it too..
and the money is good right now...
either way im doing good cause my products are paying for themselves and theres alot of them lol...
i was supposed to go threw and circle like every product i want to try if $ were nothing i think i circled 80% of our book lol.. oh well
its productive use of time anyway...
talked to jess today i cant wait for her to get here
i hope we have time to hang out...
i mean i know ill see her but i dont know how long...
and i have a color party on sat for eyes and ufc party at night
(ultimate fighting champion) paper view been waiting like a month for this
i think jeff and i decided santa cruz for my bday
im so stoked he told me he'd buy me another zong too
god i loved santa cruz with him last time
i cant wait... i hope its just as amazing!
oh yea jeffry got a union job too he has a pay increase no more salary bs
and great benefits a retirmen t plan and all can be a journey man in like a few years too hes going to go to school to be one so proud of him...
he also is going to be on the travel leauge for juniors thats really good
we already have one leauge but this leauge you have to be pretty good to be on...
rodeo this weekend stoked...
ok rambling bye!
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March 22nd, 2006
11:20 pm
my b-day is coming i cant wait...
although i have absolutely no i dead what i will be doing
i know the i have the 28th im only working till 3:30 then sat sun and mon i have off...
so whatever it is it will be awesome
probablly another out of town trip....
i think santa cruz again.. that trip was AMAZING...
life has been pretty well though lately...
busy but well...
my boyfriend has been amazing lately...
ive recently fell in love with him all over again...
he makes me feel special... he picked flowers for me 3 days in 1 week!!!!
i think b4 this he had maybe picked flowers for me twice
he has been making lots of noticed changes!
and if anything ive been failing him by my busy schedule with check into cash and being promoted and being a part time beauty consultant for mary kay...
oh and fyi i failed to mention on my last post the makeover and facials is all over mary kay so hit me up... ( im hella smart forgot to mention that part)
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March 20th, 2006
11:55 pm
want a free facial and/or makeover party?
have a girls night for free!
want to earn the benefits of being a hostess and earn 50% off of 2 products of your choice on a party order of $100 or more or how about 50% off of your whole order if your party order totals $150 or more and 50% off and a free gift for parties earning $200 or more?
hosting a party only requires you and 2 friends with a 12 person limit
I do 1 on 1 appointments as well! please contact me at cwalter86@yahoo.com or 209-483-3833 with any questions
what better way to order your makeup then with a free facial and being able to actually test the products first!
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March 19th, 2006
11:56 pm
Jeff and i Bowled 14 games each today
we bowl all the time now we are even on a leauge...
but that means only a $1 a game...
i think this may make us nerds but frankly im ok with that
today i fell in love with my boyfriend all over again
we did nothing special.. but i loved it...
it gave me hope... i needed that...
i told him that the reason i love him so much is that he still makes me smile the same way he did when i first met him a little over two years ago!
and on a funny note:
my neighbor across the street whome is a crazy left me a note on my truck today it read as follows "Please park your truck in front of the persons you're visiting or living with" this is the same lady who backed in to my brothers car and refusedto admit it, she is the same lady you stares at me like i have a bugg hangin every time i see her. and i have been nice thus far not said a word.. i have a note.. i wrote it i want to deliver it so bad it reads" Public parking. i have lived here for 71/2 years and parked in the same spot for 4 years, no complaints" ( she has only lived here for like 7 or 8 months) but i dont want anything to happen to my truck because then i may be the crazy one. so im not decided yet but i think i may not deliver the note and continue parking there... however if i recieve another one i will confront her and tell her pretty much what my note said with the ad in that if she has any questions please contact the police and i will save the letters so if i have to ill just file for harrasment. so now i will no longer refer to her as the crazy lady i will refer to her as the crazy chicken lady cause she could not just ask me since she see's me all the time she had to leave a note for everyone to see!
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March 18th, 2006
01:18 pm
hope everyones st. patricks day was lovely...
mine was coo... it was very green! lol
i worked worked worked then smoked and then between4 people or really 3 1/2 cause bobby was already hammered we killed 1.75 litters of yager!!!! i love the yager!
so today is jeffs 18th day not smoking and im damn proud of him
it has been crazy but hes doin it to get a good job...
mean while i just got promoted to manager at check into cash i just took over our tracy store and so ive been work work work
however it will all pay off and if that wasnt enough im also now a beuaty consultant for mary kay... if i take that seriously enough i can get a new car in a month or two threw the company so we'll see
but i think it will be fun cause im mostly just dgoing to do parties with makeovers and stuff so it should be a fun part time job
so ill be workin 45+ hours a week at check into cash then beteen 15-20 hrs with mary kay... so pretty much life will be crazy but hey it should all pay off and maybe even leave me in a pontiac vibe in a month or two with 85% insurance paid
soo if anyone likes mary kay or is interested hit me up! makeover parties are fun and you can also get free makeup for hosting one.
so how has everyone else been?
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March 8th, 2006
12:58 am
lifes been so crazy lately i really dont know what to expect
the only thing we know for sure
is that we love each other very much
were both growing
i hope our paths meet in the middle
cause i hate change and i love you
and thats all you need to know
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March 3rd, 2006
12:58 am
i think i had a brake down tonite...
ive felt so overwhelmed lately
like ive been running on empty
and pretty lonely ( this is not a pitty me hang out with me so dont take it that way because it just is what is)
i guess i just feel like this isnt even my life anymore
i feel like im on the outside looking in
my life is nothing of what it used to be
some of this ive chosen some i havent
the very very few that i was close with have moved or lost touch...
jessica w moved to la... bestfriend aka pestika moved to san diego...brother moved to santa maria or pismo or some shit...shwee and me just dont really talk.. to seprate lives now i guess our lives grew apart i dont really know
i just feel overwhelmed lately
and ive been trying my hardest to make things right in some aspects of my life but it is so hard when you know you are trying with every once in your body.. but it doesnt even seem to be working well...
i also get really nervous with change and i dont really like it
which probablly isnt helping since EVERYTHING is changing
i think i have anxiety but im trying... and im rambling
and all i want is to vent
and i guess the only reason why im writting here is because its a place to vent
and it this point im not really worried of what it sound like cause truthfully...
WHAT DO I GOT TO LOOSE?
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/scared.gif) /frustrated
Current Music: incubus #8
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March 1st, 2006
11:28 pm
sometimes you have to stand up for yourself
im glad i did tonite
if i dont then how can i ever look myself in the mirror
its been crazy lifes been changing
but i guess you just have to hang on and hope you come out on top
with death seemingly everywhere lately
these people have taught me lifes too short to waste
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February 16th, 2006
02:10 am - mindless ramble
if ever there was a time in my life where i felt like i was at the cross roads it would be now
i feel like im at the front of two paths staring down at each
with absolutely no idea which to take
so much has changed since then the thought of ever going back to that life is almost unthinkable
however i have come to this realisation that this is a possiblity
these past weeks have been a blur
i wish i could erase alot of the days
if only i could request a do-over
my mind needs a rest
i finally had someone to talk to
a REAL friend to have around..
i mean someone i actually hang out with alot
and now shes gone
which im actually very happy for her shes doing EXACTLY what she wants...
but i miss havin her around right now it would be really nice to have her around
but oh well... i think im going to give my self a brake
i know there is alot of changes going to be made either path i choose
but i really wish i could take a mini vacation from my brain
haha even worse i kind of tried to do that tonite and failed
i decided after all this i would have a nice session with the zong
its the coolest thing and i just got it in santa cruz 2 weekends ago
but when i went outside i saw my moms keys outside in the "smoke spot"
cause she has her cancer sticks there at night so i set my zong down and turn to get the keys
as im thinking that would really suck if the bong fell and broke right now so i turned back to grab it off
and i heard it brake... what a lovely ending to my night but luckily i had a back up
but it still sucked
ok im hella rambling so yea im going to bed hopefully tommorow ill get what ive been working hard for
i get to find out if im going to be assistant manager or not..
hella skird but oh well either way at least i know i gave it my best
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February 3rd, 2006
12:49 am - santa cruz!!!!
everything has been goin really well...
jeff and i just celebrated our "offical" 1 YEAR!!!!!! ---were hella lame
but anyone who knows us knows it started way befor like 4 months b4- what a lagger! lol
but none the less we had a great dinner for our 1 year on the 1st but this weekend we have the real fun...
we decided a vacation was in order... so santa cruz this weekend!!!!!
baaad! im hella stoked... i already found 2 hotels got directions prices and all!
hahah even made sure i got smokin for his cancer sticks :)
thats my lover boy :)
hella days ago.... hella faded but its coo... this was actually taken b4 we were even together
its been a great past year and im lookin forward to the rest....
lately everything has been crazy
it seems like death is everywhere
and with this i cant help but remember those who ive lost...
may you all rest in peace
im realising that im getting older and that i better get used to this
but how can you get used to loosing so many great people
friends family... soldiers... people who died for us... it just seems so wrong
how can it really ever be ok... but im coping.. alot better than i figured i would
it seems i hear about something new on average every 1 1/2 weeks since the year started
im really hoping the trend ends soon...
pestika moves tommorow well actually sat buti wont see her after tommorow...
this blows... we were always together when we were younger...
me and that bitch been knowing each other since 4 th grade and best friends since 7th
first she moved to modesto but not to far then she came to live with me a month or so ago...
now shes goin to san diego... although i wish her the best of luck i stil lthink it blows!
but same as befor were getting older
but at least she knows where ever she goes she'll always have a friend threw thick and thin...
welp im sure im boring anyone who is reading this by now and its late and im rambling so
stay safe and take care everyone!
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January 10th, 2006
09:13 am
HAVE YOU EVER JUST FELT LIKE SCREAMING
FUCK THE WORLD
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January 3rd, 2006
11:38 pm
new years was a blast
fuked up as a mother fuker...
gotta bring it in right!
this year things will change.
the end.
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December 12th, 2005
01:15 am
its christmas time
you can see it everywhere
you can even smell it in the air
i am started to get excited
im very happy to have jeff in my life for a 2nd xmas
im sad to have my grandmoth out of my life for the 4 xmas
christmas time is grandma time
it feels like shes all around
this year i broke but im pretty satisfied with my gifts
i love my boyfriend
pestika lives with me now
she says we live in whoville
then i saw the grinch on a chimney while we were smokin and lookin at lights
fun weekend succesful id say
briana comes home this next weekend
im fuckin stoked
she says shes flyin out this summer too
briana is my shinning star i miss her like crazy!
oh yea her latest thing is her emails she sends me! hillarious!
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November 20th, 2005
11:43 pm
SO THE BLAZERS GONE
THATS RIGHT NO MORE GOOD OL TIMES BLAZIN IN THE BLAZER
THE TRANNY WENT OUT ON IT...
HELLA MEMORIES IN THAT CAR... SOME BAD SOME GOOD...
HOPEFULLY IT WILL LEAVE NO MORE CONSTANT REMINDERS OF FRIENDSHIPS BROKEN BY OTHER STUPIDITY AND SO FORTH...
BUT I CAN SAY SOME OF MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE HAD HELLA FUNNY MEMORIES CRUZIN IN IT TOO!
BUT OH WELL... RIGHT NOW IM DRIVEN THE GAS GUZZLIN BRONCO OF MY DADS...
HE MAY STILL REPLACE THE TRANNY BUT WE ARENT THINKIN SO AND MAYBE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD...
BUT WE ARE STILL AIMIN FOR GETTIN MY CAMERO RUNNIN SOON I CANT WAIT TO START DOIN STUFF TO IT...
HOPEFULLY NO MORE 50 THOUSAND TIMES TRYIN TO SMOG IT LIKE THE BLAZER...
AND OTHER THAN THAT ANOTHER LOVELY WEEKEND WITH THE BOY... AND ABSOLUTELY NO PLANS!!!! I WOULD SAY OVER ALL WEEKEND WAS A SUCCESS!!!
P.S. IM GLAD EVERYTHING HAS WORKED OUT ITS ALMOST THE HOLIDAYS AND THESE ARE USUALLY THE MOST DEPRESSING OF MONTHS... BUT THIS YEAR IM EMBRACE THE GOOD THINGS I HAVE AND CELEBRATING MEMORIES! *IVE BEEN SPORTING MY GRANDMAS NECKLACE LATELY KEEPIN HER CLOSE AT HEART FOR THE HOLIDAYS*
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/goth_girl/happy.gif) optimistic
Current Music: TRISHA YEARWOOD "Shes In Love With The Boy"
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November 5th, 2005
01:01 am
sometimes the only way you know its true is when everything around you seems to be just not fitting right and your scared out of your mind trying to fit all of the pieces together and you want to just break down cause it seems they wont ever fit... but your reassured by the words from the only person that seems to matter... its not over.. not by a long shot.. we were made for more!
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November 3rd, 2005
12:10 am
sooo yea... halloween was like any other day but thats cool just kicked it with friends...
its so weird not sleeping with my boy at night got kinda used to it...
sometimes i just wake up in the middle of the night cause it occurs to me im alone and i hate it.. its hard going back to sleep
i hope him and i get a place in the future that would be lovely
so im starting to get plans for my camero...
and what i cant afford for it ill prolly ask for, for x-mas
i want it to be hella nice it already is cool but i want to fix it up
we already have some of the stuff for it...
im about to finish up a few things on my truck soon to, to get it ready to sell
cause im sellin that to pay for the camero!
to bad i have 4SPEEDING TICKETS! cause that fucker is fast
i was even reading a book on cameros and shit today
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October 30th, 2005
10:08 pm
so far everythign is just peachy at home
hardly ever here but enough to where i wont get nagged at
this weekend was kind of one big blur i was hella high and drunk one night
but its been pretty good over all
saw jeffrys grandpa today that was nice.. we needed to go see him
hopefully he'll be goin home soon
he had a triple bypass open heart surgery... it was crazy
plus hes been sick so we try to see him as much as possible
so i have absolutley no clue what im doing tommrow
last year i was drunk as fuck for halloween and i was a slutty nurse...
but there is no way in hella im tryin to squeese my ass back i nthat this year it barely fit last year and i really dont know of much going on so prolly just work work work... i nmiss fallen asleep everynight with my boy!
miss him
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